I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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