I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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