you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
