meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
