I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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