my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
