sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
