i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
