You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
