I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
