He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
