the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I skipped work to stalk him.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
