mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
