I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
