when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
