I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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