My sheets look like a crime scene.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
