My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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