i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
