And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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