she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
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She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
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YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have so many feelings about this burrito
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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