I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
