i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
