You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
