I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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