My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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