Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
