you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
