I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
