What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
