i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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