mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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