foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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