so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
