Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
