Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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