I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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