i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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