It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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