the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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