This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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