Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
