he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
