Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
