Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
