You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize