No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
