Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The feeling are messing with the penis
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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