I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
