Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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