Can i not drive my cunt home
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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