There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
