now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
