i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
