I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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