She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
