Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
