he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
