alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
