You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
