If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
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