Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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