I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
