you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
