Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
a search helicopter?!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
