is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
