I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Less talking, more tequila
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
