good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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