Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
